Why is it often so much more acceptable to express hate than love?
I'm not saying that people will ever appreciate it. But when someone is angry they are often given the room to reveal it. It is almost seen as some kind of right. The idea of "letting off steam" (yes, I know, Arnie) and so on are recognised facets of human action. I admit there is also a huge dichotomy between hatred and anger, and they should not be conflated. However, even at a global level, people are expected to release anger, and often as a healthy reaction not only to them on a personal level, but to almost anything.
As a middle class, buttoned-down kinda human being, I was very rarely subjected to any kind of shouting, arguing or open expressions of rage when I was growing up and certainly I actively avoid it now. But I imagine for many people it is a daily occurence, a cathartic and perhaps harmless one.
Maybe in some ways it is the case that people feel empowered by anger and disempowered by love. Anger provides not only a raw sensation which might allow an expression of brute force, but also a license under which to use it. "I'm hitting the wall because I'm angry", is probably much more recognised than "I'm hitting the wall because I'm in love" (I do the latter.......). There is something more instinctual to anger, or at least something which we are more comfortable with expressing. A shout, a violent motion, an immediate reaction or reprobation seems to come far more swiftly and easily - it is closer to an instinct, and also much more rapidly provoked. Put extremely simply, it could be akin to 'fight or flight'.
However like Nietzsche's ressentiment, anger can also be held and mutated, leading to acts of revenge which are far less forgivable or justified. I mention this for all the people who are thinking "Dude, I don't hit people, I hold a grudge." I can fairly safely say that I don't have the emotional energy to hold grudges, personally, but also don't consider it worth it for anyone else. Love, on the other hand: I can fall in love for a long, long time.
The contrast I would like to make is, I suppose, the difficulties surrounding expressing love. As I grew up in a household without shouting, it was equally devoid of hugs. It took me a long time to discover not only acceptable boundaries, but that people deserve not just to be shown they are loved but that they should bloody well get used to it. I hope the people that I love know this is so. But that is part of the problem.
Let alone when you fall into a romantic love and feel so utterly paralysed by the mixture of emotion and complex hormonal response this person provokes in you simply by walking into a room (does anyone else get a wall of static noise in their ears from the amount of blood that rushes to their head?). Surely this is as potent and physiological the desire to immediately punch someone in the face. But we cannot express it in the same way. Love is just as intrusive as anger, and yet the positive action is somehow a far more dangerous or perverse one. There are laws against certain types of love (and, no I am most definitely not advocating pedophilia, that's a whole other set of issues), or at least powerful social biases on all levels.
I know, obviously, that there are laws against violent actions too, and maybe it is all a matter of degrees. But somehow it is anger that is punished in the afterthought, and love more often held back beforehand.
I'm not saying that people will ever appreciate it. But when someone is angry they are often given the room to reveal it. It is almost seen as some kind of right. The idea of "letting off steam" (yes, I know, Arnie) and so on are recognised facets of human action. I admit there is also a huge dichotomy between hatred and anger, and they should not be conflated. However, even at a global level, people are expected to release anger, and often as a healthy reaction not only to them on a personal level, but to almost anything.
As a middle class, buttoned-down kinda human being, I was very rarely subjected to any kind of shouting, arguing or open expressions of rage when I was growing up and certainly I actively avoid it now. But I imagine for many people it is a daily occurence, a cathartic and perhaps harmless one.
Maybe in some ways it is the case that people feel empowered by anger and disempowered by love. Anger provides not only a raw sensation which might allow an expression of brute force, but also a license under which to use it. "I'm hitting the wall because I'm angry", is probably much more recognised than "I'm hitting the wall because I'm in love" (I do the latter.......). There is something more instinctual to anger, or at least something which we are more comfortable with expressing. A shout, a violent motion, an immediate reaction or reprobation seems to come far more swiftly and easily - it is closer to an instinct, and also much more rapidly provoked. Put extremely simply, it could be akin to 'fight or flight'.
However like Nietzsche's ressentiment, anger can also be held and mutated, leading to acts of revenge which are far less forgivable or justified. I mention this for all the people who are thinking "Dude, I don't hit people, I hold a grudge." I can fairly safely say that I don't have the emotional energy to hold grudges, personally, but also don't consider it worth it for anyone else. Love, on the other hand: I can fall in love for a long, long time.
The contrast I would like to make is, I suppose, the difficulties surrounding expressing love. As I grew up in a household without shouting, it was equally devoid of hugs. It took me a long time to discover not only acceptable boundaries, but that people deserve not just to be shown they are loved but that they should bloody well get used to it. I hope the people that I love know this is so. But that is part of the problem.
Let alone when you fall into a romantic love and feel so utterly paralysed by the mixture of emotion and complex hormonal response this person provokes in you simply by walking into a room (does anyone else get a wall of static noise in their ears from the amount of blood that rushes to their head?). Surely this is as potent and physiological the desire to immediately punch someone in the face. But we cannot express it in the same way. Love is just as intrusive as anger, and yet the positive action is somehow a far more dangerous or perverse one. There are laws against certain types of love (and, no I am most definitely not advocating pedophilia, that's a whole other set of issues), or at least powerful social biases on all levels.
I know, obviously, that there are laws against violent actions too, and maybe it is all a matter of degrees. But somehow it is anger that is punished in the afterthought, and love more often held back beforehand.
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