Well, I dont think I'm my mother, so far so good. I'll never really be able to tell, I suppose, unless my brother points it out to me when we're both in our 50s. But I don't think I'm on the road to have kids. Thus far in my life the people I have fallen most in love with have shared my views on that subject, so I imagine if I ever did 'settle down' with anybody, kids would be the last thing on the agenda. That way, at least if I did become my mother I'd only be inflicting it on my hapless partner.
Managing my diabetes is actually going incredibly well, which is pleasing. I'm still not on track all the time - my jobs really take it out of me so if I'm not careful I start wanting sugar highs all the time. But there have definitely been days where avoiding sweet things has meant I don't want them. That sounds a bit sketchy, but it's only been a few weeks that I've really been working on it. I'm definitely finding out what I eat that can have the amount of sugar in it halved, and without those sharing it with me complaining either. That reminds me, last week I made a rather good blackberry and apple pie. I haven't heard back from one of the recipients of a slice, but considering the rapidity at which I saw the rest of it consumed by Tom, I think it was a winner. It wasn't just because he's Northern and likes pie, at least. I'm getting very good at pastry, soon I will venture into more elaborate stuff methinks. I'm also experimenting with the bags of frozen berries you can get from supermarkets - great for smoothies, a nice nutritious and slow-burning source of deliciousness, if only we had a blender that worked...
Finally, toning down the crazy. Well, it's all going onto this here blog instead, by my estimation. I can't necessarily say that, just under a month into this year, I've managed to be that well-behaved. But I'm showing serious signs of looking after my own well-being much more, not just physically but emotionally. I know I can torture myself over silly things but I'm learning how to a) harness the silly into some nice writing and b) get advice from other people about why I'm not wrong in the majority of my behaviour.
Essentially, I'm hiding my heart, and hoping that the right person comes looking. And that's difficult for me, because there is very rarely a lack of someone in my life that I would readily show my emotions to. This time, I am empowering myself to have the freedom to move slowly. And it's funny, but it allows you a lot more hope. Either something happens because you slowly build on these wonderful feelings, or something doesn't happen because those wonderful feelings build into a friendship. I genuinely have never taken this tack before. Scary but overwhelmingly exciting.
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